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Wedding Etiquette
BRIDAL SHOWERS
What are some common ideas for bridal showers?
Favorite bridal shower styles include luncheons, teas, couples showers and even after-work happy hour showers. Gift-based themes are also popular and can include lingerie, around-the-clock and around-the house showers. Do I include registry information on the bridal shower invitations?
It is traditional to spread the news of any registry information by word-of-mouth. However, for practical reasons many of our clients prefer to include the registry information on the invitation in a subtle fashion. Ways to do this might be including it in small print at the bottom of the invitation or printing it on a separate card inserted in the envelope behind the invitation. How can I indicate on the invitation that the guests are responsible for paying for their own meals?
Traditional etiquette rules advocate against including cost information or payment arrangements on a shower invitation. If you feel it’s necessary to include this information on the invitation, perhaps to avoid an awkward situation, it’s best to place it at the bottom, in the corner opposite the RSVP information. When should bridal shower invitations be mailed out?
We recommend that invitations be mailed to out-of-town guests 4-6 weeks prior to the shower and to local guests approximately 2-4 weeks prior to the shower. When ordering invitations, be sure to allot sufficient time for processing and shipping in your shower planning timeline. When should I mail out thank you notes for gifts I received at my shower?
Ideally, thank you notes should be sent out immediately after the gift is received.
WEDDING INVITATIONS
Who issues the wedding invitations or announcements?
The bride’s parents are traditionally considered the hosts of the wedding and, therefore, typically issue the wedding invitations or the marriage/wedding announcements. Here is an example of traditional wording for an invitation:
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
When the bride and groom are paying for the wedding, they often choose to issue the invitations themselves or in conjunction with their parents. Here is sample wording for these scenarios:
Madison Haley Woodward
and
Eric Stewart Harrington,
invite you to share
the joy of their marriage
OR
Madison Haley Woodward
and
Eric Stewart Harrington,
together with their parents,
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
If the groom’s parents pay for or contribute to the wedding, some couples choose to recognize this by adding them to the invitations below the bride’s parents’ names. An example of this would be as follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
and
Mr. and Mrs. William Stephen Harrington
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Madison Haley Woodward
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
Some religions view the wedding as a joining of families and include the groom’s parents on the invitation under the groom’s name, typically using wording such as “son of …”.
Who hosts the wedding if the bride’s parents are divorced?
Depending on the situation, either the person who raised the bride is considered the host of the wedding, or, frequently, both parents are listed, with the bride’s mother listed on a line above the bride’s father. Sample wording for this is as follows:
Catherine Lynn Woodward
[or Catherine Lynn Edison, if using maiden name]
and
Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
It is important to note that it is not uncommon for a parent’s new spouse to be listed if one or both of the bride’s parents has remarried. For example:
Mr. and Mrs. Alexander James Stevenson
and
Mr. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley Woodward
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
Who hosts the wedding if the bride’s parents are deceased?
The bride’s guardian, closest relatives or close friends might host the wedding. Alternatively, the couple might decide to host the wedding themselves or the groom’s family might host the wedding. This decision is very personal and highly dependent on the specific situation and wishes of the couple and their families. General wording tips for traditional invitations
- The full name of the host is used, although if space is an issue the middle name can be omitted. (Do not use a middle initial.)
- Mr., Mrs., Jr., Sr., are abbreviated but Doctor is not.
- Typically, the bride’s surname is not used, unless it is different from her parents.
- The groom’s full name and title are used.
- The date, including the year, is spelled out.
- The beginning of the year can either be upper or lower case.
- The use of “and” in the year (e.g., Two thousand and eleven) is acceptable in wedding invitations. While technically in mathematics “and” indicates a decimal point, in wedding invitations it is considered acceptable to use “and” if you wish.
- Ceremony location –
- The street address is optional. You may want to include the address in the invitation if most people attending the ceremony are not familiar with the location. Do not include the address on the invitation if you include direction cards.
- The city and state should be included. Two exceptions exist - For “New York, New York” you may simply use “New York” or “New York City.” For “Washington, D.C.” you may use “Washington, District of Columbia” or many simply use “Washington, D.C.”
- Time – “in the afternoon” or “in the evening” is optional. Noon marks the beginning of the afternoon and six o’clock marks the beginning of the evening.
- The word “to” connecting the bride’s name to the groom’s name is replaced with “and” for invitations to a Jewish wedding.
- When a Roman Catholic Mass is part of the wedding ceremony, you may choose to include “and your participation in the offering of the Nuptial Mass” below the groom’s name on the invitation.
Wording when the bride’s parents are divorced
Catherine Lynn Woodward
[or Catherine Lynn Edison, if using maiden name]
and
Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
at two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
Wording when a divorced mother who has not remarried hosts the wedding
The bride’s mother has several options for presenting her name on the invitations. She may choose the traditional divorcee’s combination of her maiden and married names (Mrs. Catherine Stevenson Woodward) or she may choose to drop the title “Mrs.” (Catherine Stevenson Woodward). An example of this is below:
Catherine Stevenson Woodward
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Madison Haley
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
at two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
If she is using her maiden name, then she would not use a title and would use her first, middle, and maiden name (Catherine Lynn Stevenson). It also is acceptable for her to use her first name, middle name, and married surname (Catherine Lynn Woodward).
Wording when the groom’s parents are included on the invitation but not as hosts
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
son of
Mr. and Mrs. William Stephen Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
Wording when the groom’s parents are included on the invitation as co-hosts
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
and
Mr. and Mrs. William Stephen Harrington
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Madison Haley Woodward
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
Wording when a widow who has not remarried hosts wedding and still uses her husband’s name
Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Madison Haley
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
Wording when a widower who has not remarried hosts the wedding
Mr. Richard Andrew Woodward
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Madison Haley
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
Wording when the bride’s mother hosts wedding and has remarried after divorcing or being widowed
Mr. and Mrs. Edward Ryan Hampton
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Mrs. Hampton’s daughter*
Madison Haley Woodward
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
*“Mrs. Hampton’s daughter” can be replaced with “their daughter” depending on the closeness of the relationship between the bride and her stepfather.
Wording when the bride’s father has remarried after divorcing or being widowed
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Mr. Woodward’s daughter*
Madison Haley Woodward
to
Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
2 o’clock in the afternoon
Saint John’s Church
Baltimore, Maryland
*“Mr. Woodward’s daughter” can be replaced with “their daughter” depending on the closeness of the relationship between the bride and her stepmother.
My father is a medical doctor. Do we use his title?
Yes. Doctor would be spelled out if space is available. If space is an issue, then you can abbreviate using “Dr.” My mother is a medical doctor. Do we use her title?
Traditional etiquette is that a woman would use a social title such as “Mrs.” instead of a professional title. However, in today’s modern world many women choose to use their titles. In this case the wording would be as follows:
Doctor Catherine Lynn Woodward
and Mr. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
Please note that this wording is similar to the wording used when a divorced mother-of-the-bride retains her married surname and, therefore, using this format could potentially create some ambiguity about the marital status of the bride's parents.
My parents are both medical doctors. How do we treat their titles?
Traditionally, the invitation wording for this situation would be “Doctor and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward.” However, many people choose to go with either “The Doctors Woodward” or:
Doctor Catherine Lynn Woodward
and Doctor Richard Andrew Woodward
How do we include a deceased parent on the invitation?
Traditional etiquette dictates that a deceased parent not be listed on the invitation, but instead be honored on the wedding program using language such as, “In loving memory of…”
That said, some people feel strongly about wanting to include a deceased parent on the invitation. If you choose this approach, it is important to be careful that the invitation not appear to be issued by the deceased parent. A good way of dealing with this would be to use wording similar to the following:
Madison Haley Woodward
daughter of Catherine Woodward and the late Richard Woodward
and
Eric Stewart Harrington
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
Our wedding is being held at a friend’s house. How are the invitations worded?
Typical wording for this situation would be:
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
2 o’clock in the afternoon
at the residence of
Mr. and Mrs. Stephen James Henderson
14716 West Lincoln Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Note the use of the less formal phrase “request the pleasure of your company,” which matches the less formal setting for the wedding.
We only want to invite adults to the wedding. Should we state “Adults Only” on the wedding invitation?
It is considered bad form to specifically state an “Adults Only” policy on the invitation. It is better to handle this preference by word-of-mouth. Ask your wedding party and family members to help tell others that you cannot accommodate children at the wedding. When should my wedding invitations be mailed?
Wedding invitations should be mailed 6 to 8 weeks in advance of the wedding. When should I order my wedding invitations?
We recommend ordering your invitations at least three months before the wedding in order to provide time for us to print and ship your invitations to you, and to allow sufficient time for you to address and mail the invitations. Be sure that all of your details -- such as date, time, location, and number of guests -- are finalized before you place your order. Should I order extra wedding invitations?
Yes. Generally we recommend buying an extra 15 to 25 invitations. For weddings with over 300 invitations sent on the first mailing, we suggest buying and extra 10 percent to 20 percent. The extra invitations allow you to mail invitations to people that you may have initially forgotten to include on your guest list. You also may want to send out some additional invites after the first round of invitations in order to fill in spots created by people who won’t be able to attend. Finally, it is always nice to have some extra invitations for keepsakes. At what age should children receive their own wedding invitation?
Etiquette experts differ on this matter. Some say that children over 13 or 16 years of age should receive their own invitations. At a minimum, young adults over 18 years of age should receive their own invitations.
RECEPTION CARDS
When do I need to include a reception card with the invitation?
Reception cards are recommended if your reception is held in a different location than the wedding ceremony. Reception cards also are used when the guest list for the wedding ceremony is different from the guest list for the ceremony. What wording should I use for my reception card?
If the reception invitation is being sent to people who were not invited or were unable to attend the wedding then the typical wording is as follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their daughter
Madison Haley
and
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
If everyone who is being sent a reception card also received a wedding invitation, then the wording typically is as follows:
Reception
[or, Please join us for dinner and dancing]
immediately following the ceremony
The Harbor Club
1576 Bayside Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENTS
What are marriage/wedding announcements? Who receives them and when are they sent?
Marriage/wedding announcements are used to announce that your wedding has occurred. They are sent to people who were not able to attend the wedding but with whom you want to share your happy news. Ideally they are mailed on the day of the wedding (but after it has taken place). People love to see the wedding date as the postmark date. If possible, have a member of the wedding party slip out and mail the already addressed and stamped announcements between the ceremony and the reception. If this is too difficult to arrange, then mailing the announcements the next day will be fine. Although announcements are traditionally mailed immediately following the ceremony, they can be mailed up to several months after the wedding. What wording do I use for a marriage/wedding announcement?
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Andrew Woodward
have the honour of
announcing the marriage of their daughter
Madison Haley
to
Mr. Eric Stewart Harrington
Saturday, the twenty-first of September
Two thousand eleven
two o’clock in the afternoon
Baltimore, Maryland
You can substitute “announce” for “have to the honour of announcing” if you prefer.
SAVE THE DATE CARDS
What are save-the-date cards?
Save-the-date cards are sent to the people that you plan to invite to your wedding in order to inform them of when and where your wedding will take place. Save-the-date cards are not invitations, but rather are a form of advance notice that is typically sent three to 12 months prior to the wedding. This advance notice is particularly helpful to guests who will need to travel to the wedding, because it gives them adequate time to make necessary travel arrangements. Save-the-date cards should only be sent to people that you are absolutely certain you will invite to the wedding. Once a save-the-date card has been sent to someone, you are essentially committed to inviting that person to the wedding, as it would be very poor form not to do so.
RESPONSE CARDS
How do I determine the “reply by” date for my wedding invitation?
We recommend a “reply by” date of at least two weeks prior to your wedding date. However, it’s important to note that your caterer is likely to have a cutoff date that will need to be considered when determining your “reply by” date. Do you recommend response cards?
Yes. Response cards improve the response rate to the invitations and they make your record keeping much easier. How do I request that guests RSVP?
Traditionally guests are not asked to RSVP for the wedding ceremony; they are asked to RSVP for the reception. We strongly recommend including response cards because they improve the response rate to the invitations and because they will make it much easier to track the RSVP information that you receive. If you do not wish to send response cards, you would put the RSVP information on the reception card at the bottom left. Here is sample wording:
The favour of a reply is requested before the eighth of June
193 Champagne Drive, St. Louis, Missouri 63303
If you are not sending a reception card or a response card, the RSVP request would be placed in the bottom left corner of the wedding invitation.
ENVELOPES
Is there a proper way to insert the invitation and enclosure cards into the envelope?
The invitation and enclosure cards should be put into the envelope primarily based on size and then in order of importance, with the largest enclosure cards placed closest to the invitation. To assemble the invitation and enclosures for inserting in the envelope, start with the invitation itself and then layer the largest enclosure, usually the reception card, on the invitation first, printed side up. The reply envelope is then placed face down on the reception card and the reply card is slipped under the flap of the reply envelope. Any other enclosures would be placed printed side up based on size. If two enclosures are the same size, then the items should be placed so that the most important piece is in front. Once all the components are assembled, insert each stack in the envelope so that the top of the stack faces the back of the envelope and, if the invitation has a fold, it is at the bottom of the envelope once inserted. All items placed in the envelope should be facing you so that when they are removed they can be read without being turned over.
If you are using inner and outer envelopes, the entire ensemble would be placed in the inner envelope. The addressed inner envelope would then be inserted into the addressed outer envelope so that when the back of the outer envelope is facing you, the front of the inner envelope is facing you. Make sure to have a sample of the entire ensemble weighed so that you can be certain of having sufficient postage when mailing your invitations. How do I address outer and inner envelopes?
The outer envelope is addressed with the name(s) of the person(s) invited (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. Jack Hamilton) as well as the recipient’s address. No abbreviations are used in the address. Numbers are written in numeric form rather than spelled out. The back flap has the sender’s address on it. Traditionally, if the bride’s parents are hosting the wedding, the bride’s parents’ address would be on the back flap of the invitation. However, today many couples prefer to use their own address on the back of the invitations.
The inner envelope is addressed using the person(s) title(s) and last name (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton). The inner envelope is not sealed. If you are ordering double envelopes and want a liner, the inner envelope will be the lined envelope.
If you are inviting a person who is not married and you want to let him or her know that bringing a guest is appropriate, you would write his or her name on the outer envelope - “Mr. Jack Hamilton” - and then write “Mr. Hamilton and guest” on the inner envelope.
If both the parents and small children in a family are being invited to the wedding, the outer envelope is addressed only to the parents. The names of small children would be included on the inner envelope. An example of the inner envelope would be:
Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton
James, Stephen and Sarah
How do I let an invitee know that he/she may bring a guest if I am not using an inner envelope?
Do not write “and guest” on the outer envelope. Instead, include a handwritten note or give your guest a call. If the invitee is engaged or in some other type of long term relationship, then it is best to send his or her significant other a separate invitation.
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